CrossStreetMarket 8 11 10

Smalltimore

Baltimore - August 10, 11 and 12, 2010

Being in Baltimore takes me back to my days living in Maine and Boston - especially those hot sultry summer days where the air is a constant character caressing and reminding you of it's presence. The chirping cicadas and humidity beckon me to open up and enjoy the earth and it's seasons. As I landed on Tuesday night, I noticed that the color green dominates, unlike in LA, where people and roads and buildings canvas the landscape. So much development opposes the simple pace and natural setting of east coast towns.

My lovely hosts, Cat, Peter, Ruby and Vivien Smith have been showing me all the neighborhoods and nuances of their lives here. Gorgeous mansions are everywhere (and for a steal!) with bricks, shutters, and edifices matching those of their neighbors. The sameness pervades and comforts. There's something about the slow, richness of tradition in the habits, architecture, and even food that is a welcome change from the quick pace and forward motion in the West.

Before I left home, I had much emotion; sadness and fear all wrapped up in a little black package in my belly, producing copious tears. I've had lots of loved ones make their transition (translation: die) which has transformed a normal goodbye into This-May-Be-The-Last-Time-I-Ever-See-You. It was terrifying. This added to a leap into strange worlds for 9 weeks equaled an unexpected rush of separation anxiety.

Flash forward to seeing Cat and Peter, my dear friends who were the first I made in LA over 11 years ago. They lived above me and we would regularly gather for cosmos, Sex and The City, delicious dinners, cards, and lots of laughter. Then, they "abandoned" me and moved to Baltimore 6 years ago. [Ha ha, if you know me at all, you know I love to pin that kind of b.s. on others for the sake of a laugh - "abandon".] (;

Time and the world turns and here we are chatting it up as if no time has passed, underlining the fact that love never dies, it just changes form. This is a mutation of my imaginary boyfriend's quote "Energy never dies, it just changes form" -Albert Einstein.

The returning instills confidence that not everyone I love dies too soon. This comforts me greatly.

Peter has been working up a storm, hence his absence in the photos! Here we are at lunch at the Cross Street Market today:



















http://www.youtube.com/user/petersmithtv#p/a

As humanity marches forward, changing, evolving, and exploring worlds unknown (mostly internally hopefully - (please?)), some things remain constant: the warm shoulder of a friend who will do whatever it takes to help you calm down, the traditions of a culture, the seasons. I am grateful for both newness and the unchanging nature of Love, of Gratitude, and of Humans. We want to connect, to hold on, to explore, and this is what I celebrate on this summer's eve in Baltimore, Maryland.

Here's a little new music Peter introduced me to, performed in an elevator. Maybe you'll like it too:

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Parting Thoughts

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Williamson*

For many years, this quote and so many others hung on my walls. I had a habit of painting colorful signs as visual reminders of where I wanted to go, of who I wanted to become. Those signs, and the act of choosing and painting them, helped me. At least, I thought they were helping me. The rubber meets the road when old programming surfaces and intellect is asked to take a back seat to action.

As I approach getting back out on the road to the most exotic, diverse, poor, and potentially dangerous places I've ever visited, my love for waking up in a place where I don't know the language has been met with a fear that I am some how not worthy of a two month trip out of normalcy. 'Am I selfish/foolish to spend so much money on such an elaborate adventure?' 'How do I respond when others react to the length and breadth of the trip?' It's amazing to feel it all come up in the face of my belief that there is an infinite supply of money and time. Uncomfortable. Feelings of guilt, comparison (which is useless), and worry that I am being somehow ridiculous come in waves.

One day a friend of mine, John O'Connor, who helped me transform the forecast of my financial and physical well being through a program called Prosperity Intelligence, repeated Marianne's quote after I'd relayed my apprehension. He reminded me that my shining, not my shrinking, unconsciously allows others to shine. Suddenly, I was reminded of a truth that helped me transcend the sticky, circular world of worry, doubt and fear that was overshadowing this amazing journey in that moment.

I want to shine, in a big, life giving, supportive way. I want to see that Light reflected back and amplified in the 'yes' and the eyes of others. So, thank you, John. John is one of a few close friends and family that I am blessed to have supporting me in this Life. I am so grateful to you, and you know who you are, who have been there to selflessly support me in taking this leap into the world of Africa. If that wave comes back around, I may be callin' ya!

T-10 days to departure.

Here we go!

xo,

c

*Note About Nelson Mandela

This quote is often found on the Internet incorrectly credited to Nelson Mandela from his Inauguration Speech, 1994, especially the last sentence of that quote, “As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

For reference, here is a link to an official African government site:

* Statement Of The President Of The African National Congress Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela At His Inauguration As President Of The Democratic Republic Of South Africa Union Buildings - Pretoria, 10 May 1994, via ANC's (African National Congress) Official Web site.

In To Africa

Hi All,

Well, I am off to Morocco, Ghana, Egypt, Jordan, Zambia and South Africa on August 10. Before leaving the US, I will make a couple of stops to see my old friends and neighbors, Cat and Peter, in Baltimore. I then move on to Washington D.C. to see Matthew and Shawn, my brothers from other mothers. We may even get to take a tour of the White House. From there, I will take the train to NYC to see that beautiful city, some other pals and hopefully my sister, Maria before I fly out to Casablanca. Until then, I am very busy opening a few spas (yahoo!), hiring a new team of Practitioners (wish us luck), training a new CSR, location manager and spa services trainer (whew!). After all of that is complete, I think I will have more space to be excited.

I am very much looking forward to this trip and have wanted to go to Africa for many, many years. I always say I am going to explore my black heritage. Since I am so pale, it's kind of a joke, but also something I feel deep in my soul. I feel very connected to Africa and am totally open to the surprises that will be revealed. Return here if you'd like to participate in the revelations, colors, sounds, tastes and smells during my two and half month journey throughout Africa and the Middle East.

Much Love,
Carrie Girl